Written by FRANCES KIDD

As of Nov. 1, there are 27 days until Thanksgiving and 54 days until Christmas and the first night of Hanukkah.

Did you just break out in a cold sweat? Does the thought of family members sitting around a holiday table raise your anxiety level?

If you answered yes to either of these questions, don't worry. You're not alone.

Worry and tension

A poll conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA) in November 2023, showed that nearly half of U.S. adults describe their stress levels during the holiday season between November and January as moderate, while about 41% said their stress increases during this time compared with other seasons. While stress appears to be common toward the year’s end, almost half of the participants said the stress of the holidays interferes with their ability to enjoy them; a third said the holidays feel like a competition due to expectation levels.

The World Health Organization defines stress as: a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. Everyone experiences stress to some degree. The way we respond to stress, however, makes a big difference to our overall well being.

A lot of things can trigger stress during this time of year. Some people experience grief more acutely this time of year, particularly if they've lost loved ones during the year. Others worry about conflict among family and friends. For some, there’s worry about money, about spending too much or too little and fear they won’t buy the perfect gifts. Stress can also come from schedules
that get overcrowded as the holidays approach. It’s a hard time to say no to friends and family.

Also, according to the APA, people who celebrate traditionally Jewish or other non-Christian religious holidays have additional sources of stress during these months because the larger holiday season doesn’t reflect their culture, religion or traditions.

Data from the APA shows that stress has increased about 10% since 2023. Lingering issues from the COVID-19 pandemic, global conflicts, inflation and other social concerns may weigh on the collective consciousness of many Americans. For some, holidays are the last straw.

Putting people first

Reverend David Jones II, pastor at Newnan Presbyterian Church, knows something about issues
that arise during the holidays, including the potential for conflict.

“It’s the realization that we need each other, and whatever connections we have are worth keeping,” he says. “We have the desire to be together, even when it’s not as easy as we want it to be. We may have to meet in the middle.”

Rev. Jones recommends listening to a song by Dar Williams called “The Christians and the Pagans,” which includes the lyrics, “So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table, Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able.”

Jones recognizes increased feelings of grief during the holidays, and his church holds a service, The Longest Night, around the winter solstice for people to honor their lost loved ones.

Tom Jennings, a counselor with a local mental health facility, recommends making people more important than anything else during the holidays. Along with eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep, he suggests reducing the amount of time spent on screens.

“We’ve lost our ability to talk about so many things,” Jennings says, providing specific ideas to help with communication: “Ask yourself, ‘Could I be wrong, and they’re right?’ And whenever anyone raises their voice, lower yours.”

For years, Helen Berry and her daughter Vanessa Coleman, both from Newnan, have organized large family holiday gatherings. The folks around the table are multi-generational and multi-racial, and the number of people would be daunting to some.

“Our house is one of those houses where everyone’s welcome, as long as you’re respectful,” she says, and she’s not kidding. Their extended family includes a large group of friends, and even some ex-in-laws are invited to celebrate together.

Berry, who enjoys doing much of the cooking, and Coleman have taken to heart that the holidays are about people.

“If you’re family, you’re family,” she says.“You have to realize you can’t control situations. You can only
control yourself.”

Tips to ease stress

There are ways to change up your thinking and behavior to ease holiday stress.

First, there’s an app for that. Calm Health is on a mission to support people on every step of their mental health journey. This digital mental health app offers advice on dealing with manifestations of stress such as sleeplessness, burnout and feeling overwhelmed.

Connecting with people, including counselors and ministers, can also help. There are many online resources from trusted places like the Mayo Clinic and Johns Hopkins University. Locally, community churches and nonprofit organizations offer counseling and activities designed to help people de-stress.

Those feeling stress should choose what helps them the most. Here are some ideas:

• For those who feel like they’re being run ragged, take a few things off your to-do list. If you’re facing a long list, take advice from Santa and check it twice. Maybe you’ll see some things you can take off.

• Keep yourself healthy by continuing routines like workouts and filling in some time between large meals by eating healthy foods. If you have a close friend who has similar stress concerns, get together and talk about your issues and potential solutions over a glass of eggnog.

• Be realistic about how much you can do. It’s time to forget about trying to be perfect and enjoy the folks you’re fortunate to share the holidays with.

Holidays are meant to be fun, enjoyable times with friends and family. While there may be some snipping about too many casseroles or not enough desserts on the table, in the final accounting, it’s about spending time with those most important to you.

Taking time to strengthen relationships, even during the hectic holidays, is good for the soul. NCM